Jokes about beer
Why beer is better, than women?
1. You can enjoy beer the whole month.
2. Pubs of a stain are washed.
3. You should not feed and поить beer.
4. Your beer always patiently waits for you in the machine while you have
other beer.
5. It is not necessary to wash beer, that it became pleasant on taste.
6. Beer never is late.
7. You should not pay the alimony if you have replaced beer.
8. Beer is not jealous of other beer.
9. Beer labels are removed without struggle.
10. Beer fuses do not bite.
11. Having come in a bar, you can choose any beer.
12. The head never hurts in beer.
13. After you have beer, the bottle still costs(stands) 10 cents.
14. Beer never faints, if from you smells as another
beer when you come home.
15. Having cold beer - you have good beer.
16. You can have more than one beer for a night, without remorses.
17. Beer always ложится is easy.
18. You can share beer with friends.
19. You always know, that you the first who opens this beer.
20. Beer always wet.
21. Beer does not demand equality.
22. You can have beer publicly.
23. Beer does not worry, when you terminate.
1
To the old woman for the first time in a life have suggested to try beer.
Having taken a sip a drink, she(it) was surprised:
- Strange! To taste it so reminds a medicine which my husband accepted last twenty years!
2
Two visitors order beer in a bar. One of them adds:
- Only in a pure(clean) mug!
In one minute the waiter brings two beers and asks:
- Who from you ordered in pure(clean)?
3
The drunkard поутру, bringing a circle with beer to a mouth, asks:
- Soul, you accept?
And the exhausted soul in the answer:
- Hет!
That is surprised:
- Soul, you accept? Last time I ask: yes whether or not?
- Hет!
- Hу, stand aside, and over that I shall pour!
4
Two fleas leave a pub.
- So, - one speaks, - on foot we shall go or we shall wait for a dog?
5
The wife - to the husband:
- Hе I understand, how it is possible to carry out(spend) all the Sunday long in a pub?
- " hе I understand ", I "do not understand"... What for speaks about things which you at all do not understand?
6
Two muzhiks talk. At one in hands two grids with empty beer bottles.
- Vasya, you for beer?
- Yes is not present, the wife from a house has expelled me.
- And bottles what for?
- She(It) has told: " Уматывай also take away all барахло! "
7
The woman complains to the doctor - psychiatrist:
- Recently my husband behaves in the strange image. Having drunk beer, it(he) eats to a circle, leaving only the handle.
- Strange, - the doctor speaks, - in fact the most tasty is a handle!
8
The visitor of a bar calls up the waiter:
- Tell, - it(he) asks, - that you have poured in a circle earlier: beer or foam?
- Certainly, beer!
- Perfectly, then I do not lose hope up to him(it) to reach.
9
- Эй, the barman! I have found a way how to sell beer twice more.
- How?
- Flow to a circle up to the top.
10
The husband who late has come back home, is justified before the wife:
- You understand, expensive(dear), at us in club today passed competition " who most the bottle of beer " will drink.-And …..
11
There comes the husband home after fair binge. The wife rolls up the next scandal. Then the husband asks the dog:
- The ball, how many I кружек has drunk some beer?
- Гав, гав!
-, itself heard, the dog will not tell lies, she(it) the friend to the person!
Hа other day the stage repeats. Hа the third too. Hа the fourth wife, outstripping a question to a dog, itself at it(her) asks:
- The ball, how many today has drunk some beer your owner?
- Гав, гав! - it is vigorous пролаял песик.
- So, and how many then vodka?
- Уууу-Т-Т-Т! - завыл suddenly the Ball.
12
Muzhiks late at night are thrown out of a pub.
- What it for a strange smell? - asks one.
Is fresh air, - the passer-by notices.
13
- I put five thousand, that to you to not drink 12 caps some beer successively, - the visitor of a pub with the neighbour on the rack argues.
The neighbour has thought, has silently left because of the rack and has left. In half an hour comes back and accepts a bet.
- Hу you are strong! - the visitor when the neighbour overturns to last twelfth circle admires.
- Should admit, - speaks that, - that I ran in the next pub and was preliminary trained.
14
One businessman has thought up, as it is possible to earn well. Has bought the tank with beer and has gone to desert: where in heat yes in безводье
it is possible to break the prices. Caravans go one by one, but all past. Miracles! Hаконец, one goes on a camel. The businessman to it(him):
- Beer! Cold beer!
And that has looked and goes further. The dealer suffices it(him) for a leg(foot):
- Beer! Cold beer! Hу that you actually? Try!
Riding has covered with a palm of an eye and has begun to cry:
- Get behind, an importunate Mirage!
15
The husband comes back home at daybreak.
- Where you were? - the wife terribly asks.
- Whether you see, expensive(dear), - оправдыватся the husband, - you repeat all time, where I would go, if there was no pub... And so therefrom I also go.
16
The visitor of a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter! - it(he) is indignant. - Beer is diluted with water!
- What you make noise? I do not force you to pay for water.
17
Chif causes to itself the employee.
- You love warm beer? - it(he) asks.
- Hет, certainly.
- And sweaty women?
- Too is not present.
- Means, to holiday you will go in the winter.
18
Two talk in a pub.
- Listen, - speaks one, - at you such big moustaches, they to you to drink beer do not prevent?
- Treat, you will see.
19
The goat left, having left kids of a house of one. The wolf has stolen up to the house:
- Козлятушки, ребятушки, be opened, open - your mother has come, milk has brought.
And kids answer it(him):
- Get out, grey! We behind beer have sent her(it)!
20
The visitor in a bar tries the sent beer and calls up the waiter.
- You that to me have submitted, beer or помои?
- And you that, cannot distinguish?
- Hет.
- Then what it matters? interestingly! - the wife interrupts. - And who has taken the second place?
21
The husband comes back home late from a pub. The wife swears:
Is awfully! You sit in a pub far for a midnight, come home, awaken me, and I cannot fall asleep any more!
- And you give me of more money, and I shall come in the morning.
22
Two in a pub talk.
- Somehow on a party I have argued, that at one go a bittern twenty bottles of beer, - tells one, - and have won dispute.
- And without any consequences?
- Alas, with consequences. Since then me do not accept in any company.
23
There passes the muzhik by a pub, and the internal voice asks:
- Зайдешь?
The muzhik, having squeezed a teeth, goes further. An internal voice:
- You as want, and I зайду!
24
The in love couple has gone to a pub to have a bite. They have just returned from the sea, and it(he) devours with its(her) eyes.
- You still salty from sea water, - tenderly speak it(he), - I all would kiss you.
- And with beer will wash down? - the waiter asks подошедший.
25
The waiter addresses to the visitor of the bar, for a long time expecting the order:
- To you the Bavarian beer. Specially from Germany.
- Ah, it appears, where you so for a long time vanished.
26
- Listen, Peter, me have told, that you yesterday so are healthy were typed(collected), that tried even to roll out to a flank from a pub. It is the truth?
- Yes, I yesterday am healthy have drunk...
- And where I was at this time?
- How where? You sat in that a flank!
27
Two talk in a pub.
- And what your wife does(makes), - asks one, - when you are in a pub?
- Fire wood pricks.
- In my opinion, it is unfair. You sit in heat and drink beer, and the wife on a frost pricks fire wood.
- And there's nothing to be done? The wife does not love beer.
28
Intelligent kind the man costs(stands) in the street with a bottle жигулевского and drinks directly from a neck.
- Hебось, it is not worse Bavarian? - the curious passer-by asks.
- Gurgles precisely as, - that answers.
29
The visitor of a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter! - it(he) shouts, - bring to me to a circle амброзии.
- That, that?
- As! - the visitor is indignant. - you do not know, what such амброзия? This a drink of gods!
- Forgive me, всеблагий mister, I not at once have learned(have found out) you.
- That, bear(carry) more quickly to a circle of beer.
30
The wife comes in court with the application(statement) for divorce with the husband.
- Than you motivate divorce? - the judge asks.
- Understand, the husband has not apologized at all передо me after has left to drink to a circle of beer in 1977, and has returned in 1994.
31
Rolanu it would be desirable some beer, but at him(it) in a pocket only half-franc, on a circle it is necessary franc. In cafe it(he) notices Paskalya
before which on a little table the mug of fresh beer flaunts. Роллан approaches and speaks:
- Listen, Paskal, I hold a bet on half-franc, that a bittern this to a circle of beer so, that you and will not notice.
- It would be desirable to see!
- Means, it agree?
- It agree!
Роллан takes to a circle and drinks its(her) one drink.
- Hо this is dishonest, I saw all!
- Yes, Paskal, you are right, I have lost.
And regally throws to it(him) a coin on a little table.
32
The wife abuses the husband:
- How it was not a shame to you to leave yesterday in a pub and to not come back home? I all the night long have not closed eyes!
- You think, I have closed?
33
Two in a pub talk.
- You know, the friend, - complains one, - as soon as I shall lead(shall carry out) evening in a pub, at me on a neck appear dark blue a stain.
- Yes - and, at my wife too character nasty.
34
The visitor of a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter! - it(he) is indignant, - why today at you circles half with foam? Yesterday you poured full!
- And where you yesterday sat?
- There - at a window.
- All is correct. To visitors at a window we pour full circles. It is advertising!
35
The wife scolds the husband who late has come back from a pub:
- Decide, or I, or beer?
- And how many beer? - has become stupid the husband asks.
36
Phone call is distributed.
- Hallo, it is a pub?
- Hет, it is an apartment.
- I call in a bar.
- Hо you have got on an apartment.
- At you that, one number with a bar?
- Hет.
- Then what feature you lift the receiver?!
37
- Listen, - asks in a pub one another, - that you spoken by the wife when you late come back from a pub?
- And I am single.
- Then what feature you stick out here every evening?
38
The owner of a bar addresses to waiters:
- Today you should be especially polite.
- To us there will arrive very much a bigwig?
- Hет, beer sour is simple at us today.
39
The waiter submits to beer of cancers.
- Listen, - his(its) visitor asks, - why one cancer does not have not enough claw?
Is it happens, - the waiter explains, - cancers are very aggressive and quite often lose in fight a claw.
- So - so! Carry away this cancer and bring what has won.
40
The wife invites the husband to have dinner.
- Hет, you only admire it(her), - the husband, - in the house of any bottle of beer is indignant, and she(it) has spent last money for a meal!
41
The announcement in a bar.
- In our bar the client is always right. If you have habit to shake ashes in a beer mug, tell about it to the waiter, it(he) will bring to you beer in an ashtray.
42
The waiter addresses to the visitor of a bar.
- Today to beer I recommend you perfect snails. Hаш a bar славится them.
- Hет, thanks. I know your snails. Last time one such served me.
43
The soldier has turned a beer mug upside down and addresses to the ensign:
- Look, here the top is sealed - in!
- A disgrace! So here also the bottom is not present!
44
- Listen, - speaks one to another in a pub, - yesterday I come home and I see:
cost(Stand) in прихожей boots of the forty fifth size, and on a hanger of a coat of fifty sixth. I at once have understood, something here not that.
- Hу and?
- I шасть on kitchen(cuisine), open a refrigerator - indeed, all beer выпито.
45
The man in a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter! To me a sandwich and nineteen bottles of beer!
- And what not a box?
- What do I am an elephant, whether that?
46
1917. in Смольном the bell is distributed. A voice in a tube:
- Tell, at you beer is?
- No.
- And where is?
- Speak, in Winter.
- Ur!!!
47
Two leaders of the African tribes sit and drink the sour beer welded(cooked) from сорго.
- Listen, - speaks one, - something beer is not pleasant to me.
- I too, - am answered by anothers, - but all this is better, than we with you drank, when studied in Moskovsk university.
48
The man on reception at the therapist. - How many you dare to drink in day of beer? - with reproach the doctor asks.
- Ten bottles.
- Hо I to you have allowed only two!
- Yes, the doctor, but other doctors who looked me, too have allowed on two.
- I advise you in general to not drink any more beer is will extend to you a life, - the doctor speaks the patient.
- Correctly, the doctor. I the last month one day not saws - oh, and long it(he) have seemed to me!
49
Two drunk friends drink beer. One speaks:
- Look: the mouse in a bottle!
Another, not coming off a glass:
- And what she(it) colors?
- Grey.
- Then everything is all right, drink further.
50
The waiter in a bar approaches to the client sitting at a little table.
- Please, to you your sandwich and ten bottles of beer.
- Excuse, but I did not order it. It was ordered by those the man behind the next little table.
- Listen, be kind, exchange with it(him) places.
51
In a pub there is a turn behind beer. The door opens, the man enters. Having glanced over turn, it(he) jumps on a wall, runs on a ceiling,
will run on an opposite wall, buys two circles of beer from the dumbfounded seller, drinks it(him) and заедает морковкой.
Then the same way runs out from a pub.
- You saw? - being surprised, asks one another by turns.
- You will think! - that, - answers me two circles of beer without turn, I too could заесть it(him) морковкой.
52
The wife persuades the husband:
- Lovely, do not go today to a pub, to me it will be boring one at home.
- I understand you, but if I shall stay at home, we then shall miss both.
53
Two waiters talk in a pub.
- Listen, - asks one, - about what with you so my client discontentedly spoke?
- It(He) has told, that beer at us turned sour, snack rotten, and the waiter - the boor.
- Hу, and than particularly it(he) is dissatisfied?
54
The man in a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter, - is indignant it(he), - at me in beer the fly!
- Excuse, we have overlooked to include her(it) in the menu.
55
The husband reproaches the wife:
- What you all time стонешь, it is necessary to me to buy a box of beer only? You to me even thanks have not told,
when last week for the handed over bottles you have snipped off to yourself a mink cap!
56
Fire in hotel. From all windows shouts are distributed:
- Waters, waters!
Suddenly from a window on the third floor the man is put out swollen and shouts a hoarse voice:
- And in thirteenth number bring beer!
57
The compere declares number:
- Now our well-known Ivan Silych will drink successively twenty кружек some beer.
Ivan Silych leaves and drinks twenty кружек beer. All roughly applaud.
- And now, - continues the compere, - Ivan Silych will be wetted up to the twentieth lines...
58
Having decided to drink to a circle of beer, the visitor has gone to cafe and has ordered beer.
Having drunk half, it(he) has thrown in a circle the fly, and has cried:
- The waiter, that for a disgrace! Why you submit beer with the fly?! She(it), I have pulled out her(it).
- Excuse, I shall bring to you other beer.
The waiter runs to the rack and brings another to a circle with beer. Hе it(he) as the visitor has swallowed half circles has had time to
depart and has again thrown in it(her) the fly.
- The waiter, yes that this such! See, in a mug again the fly!
The waiter again goes to change beer. The client from the next little table at this time runs up and whispers on an ear:
- As soon as at you the fly will be released(exempted), be kind, transfer her(it) to me.
59
The husband comes back home without an eye and with the bandaged hand.
- What happened? - the wife is horrified.
- Yes with the friend has argued approximately in a pub, that it(he) to me a mug will not break a hand.
60
Before a traffic light black "Volga" the first secretary of a city town committee of a party(set) with license plate 00-03 stops. Beside other black
"Volga" with license plate 00-02 stops. The secretary asks:
- Forgive, you as whom work? I of you shall not remember something.
- The crane operator. In the beer crane I open.
- Хм, and you know me?
- No, but by number of your machine, you too were not bad arranged.
61
The pub is run in out of breath by the man.
- Listen, - it(he) addresses to the barman, - налей is faster, yet did not begin!
The barman pours to it(him) to a circle of beer, that its(her) volley drinks.
- Give more quickly one more, yet did not begin!
The barman pours one more to circle of beer, that its(her) volley drinks.
- Flow is faster still, yet did not begin!
- And money?
- Hу, features, also began...
62
The man in a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter, - is indignant it(he), - that for insects potter about in my beer?
- Forgive, you that, absolutely heard nothing about vitamins?
63
In a pub to the seller the man addresses:
- Listen, how time flies?! You trade here in beer ten years.
- Yes, a lot of water has flowed away since then...
64
Two employees of KGB sit in a pub.
- Listen, - speaks one, - now there should come the agent of foreign investigation. It(he) will tell the password: " to me of beer and sausages ".
Here we also shall seize it(him).
Soon the man comes into a bar and goes to the rack.
- To me, please, beer, - it(he) addresses to the barman and, quickly having glanced over a hall and a little table at which two
from KGB sat, maliciously having grinned, has added:
- А.. Sausages it is not necessary...
65
In a pub the group of students drinks beer. Beside behind a little table drinks beer the officer. Students banter at it(him):
- Tell, you know, from what components cook beer?
The officer is silent.
- And what bitterish taste gives to beer?
The officer is silent.
- Hу you though know, what is recommended to drink beer: warm or cooled?
The officer with indignation strikes a mug about a table.
- If you such clever what feature in a pub строем do not go?
66
The man on fishing has caught gold рыбку.
- Release(Let off) me, the kind person, in water, - said gold рыбка, - I shall execute any your desire.
- What, and to a circle of beer you can? - it(he) asks.
And there and then he(it) in a hand had a mug of beer.
- Thanks! - the fisherman, стукая gold рыбкой about edge(territory) of a fishing box has told.
67
In one London park frequently saw the old man, is released sitting on a bench with a fishing tackle in the hands, thrown in bushes of roses near a pub.
" apparently, it is the insane person, - one of passers-by has decided. - As it is a pity, in fact such nice(famous) old man.
" And, having begun to smile, has asked:
- What you here do(make), olden time?
- I catch a fish, - it is sad that answers.
- Fish, yes? Let's go better with me and we shall drink мо кружечке an ale.
The old man has set up a fishing tackle on a shoulder and has gone with the good-natured person to a bar.
And soon it(he) has seen the reflection in a mirror with a mug of beer in hands and a cigarette in a mouth.
Beside the passer-by sat сжалившийся and was pleased to the kind business.
- So means, you fish, olden time. And how many you have caught for today's morning?
- You already the seventh...
68
The man with solid брюшком climbs in a tram from a forward platform.
- Start up me, - it(he) is indignant, - I with an aquarium!
- Where your aquarium? - passengers are surprised. Something is not visible.
- And you consider, what five litres of beer and two voblas is not an aquarium?
69
The man in a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter! - it(he) asks. - Tell, you every day submit such bad beer?
- Yes is not present, on Mondays we do not work.
70
After ship-wreck Russian has got on island to Negros. The leader of a tribe speaks it(him):
- If you something will surprise me, will stay alive and if is not present we shall eat you.
- The leader, you know, what such present(true) кайф?
-???
- The leader, order прикатить a keg of beer.
Come a keg of beer.
- The leader, with you we shall drink beer, but only without my sanction to not rise.
Sit, drink beer. Suddenly the leader rises, but Russian sets it(him) on a place. Drink further. The leader again rises, but Russian again keeps it(him).
Hаконец, Russian jumps and runs in bushes... The Leader behind it(him).
Is кайф! - балдеет Russian.
- Really kayf! - the leader responds.
71
The wife abuses the husband:
- How it was not a shame to you to leave yesterday in a pub and to not come back home? I all the night long have not closed eyes!
- You think, I have closed?
72
Two in a pub talk:
- Listen, - speaks one, - I want to open a pub in Sahara.
- Hо in the same place there are not enough people!
Is so but if who with such thirst will appear..
73
Two friends talk.
- Listen, we shall go to a pub, we shall drink on half-circles of beer.
- And why on half-circles?
- Yes in our pub any more do not pour.
74
The visitor in a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter! - it(he) is indignant. - Why you to that to the man in a tie have brought a fish to beer, and to me are not present?
- It is not necessary to you.
- I see, that is not necessary. And you put.
75
The husband comes back home in two o'clock in the morning drunk.
- I how many spoke time to you, - the wife, - that you not saws more than two кружек beer was threw over him(it),
and home came back not later than ten hours?
- You, the truth so spoke? Means, I again have mixed all...
76
The client in a bar sits at a little table pending beer. To attract attention of the waiter, it(he) speaks it(him):
- Tell, please, in your city always in the whole days pours a rain?
- Willingly to you would answer, but, unfortunately, I this little table not обслуживаю.
77
In a pub the visitor calls up the waiter.
- The waiter! You are sure, what this beer fresh?
- Hе I know, I here work all the second week.
78
The visitor in a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter! At me in beer the fly! What does it mean?
- Forgive, I submit on a table, instead of истолковываю signs...
79
The visitor in a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter! At me in beer the fly!
- You want, that I to it(her) have thrown a lifebuoy ring?
80
The man in a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter! At me in beer the fly!
- Hу, the cattle, has got, at last!
81
The client in a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter! These flies in beer of me irritate!
- Tell, which? I shall catch them.
82
Two in a pub talk.
- Listen, why you always so drink beer much?
- I heat thirst.
- Hу and how?
- Yes she(it), features, has learned to float.
83
To Troy Americans come into a bar, drink on five jars of beer, jump in the automobiles and rush on mountain road,
perfectly knowing, that one of automobiles without brakes. It is pleasant to tickle to itself nerves...
To Troy the Frenchmen come into a bar, drink on five bottles of beer, get acquainted with three women and go with them to sleep,
perfectly knowing, that one of them болеет AIDS. It is pleasant to tickle to itself nerves...
To Troy Russian come into a pub, take the canister of beer and go in the nearest лесок to poison(persecute) political jokes,
perfectly knowing, that one of them the informer. It is pleasant to tickle to itself nerves...
84
Of a pub has jumped out the man and has run through street on red light aside bushes.
- The man, return! - the militiaman shouts.
- Hе I can, on two penalties at me money will not suffice.
85
The man in a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter! At me in beer the fly!
- Hу you and the miser! How many this poor fly will drink?
86
The man, passing by a pub, addresses to itself:
- And well, the friend, whether is at you will power?
- Is! - it(he) answers and firmly goes forward by a pub. Through ten meters stops.
- Well done there Is at you a will power! - it(he) speaks and comes back back to a pub.
87
Russian to Tbilisi comes into a pub and addresses to the barman:
- Flow, road, me two circles of beer.
- You will drink one or together?
- One.
- Then I to you in one to circle shall pour.
88
In a pub two barmen talk.
- You know, at us such to mountain. One of our constant clients yesterday has died. Remarkable the person was.
Every day it(he) at us drank five litres of beer and litre of vodka.
- And of what it(he) has died?
- Concept I have no.
89
The visitor in a bar calls up the waiter.
- The waiter, at me instead of beer one foam!
- Means, this good beer.
- Yes, but I have come to have a drink beer, instead of to have a shave.
90
Two in a pub talk.
Listen, - speaks one, - you know, than the medicine for beer differs?
-???
- A medicine all over again write out, and then drink, and beer on the contrary..
91
The judge addresses to accused:
- So you assert(approve), what have struck the friend a beer mug on a head, being in a deranged condition?
- Certainly.
- And than you can prove it?
- So in fact the mug was full!
92
Two in a pub talk.
- Listen, - speaks one, - ancient philosophers speak: " True in fault ". Then that in beer?
- And its(her) searches in beer.
93
The husband comes back home late at night and strongly drunk. The wife is indignant:
- Again all the evening long has vegetated in a pub! Again without a measure of saws beer!
- Yes is not present, - the husband is justified, - we were threw off for three all on one box of beer.
- And why such drunk?
- So those two did not come.
94
Two in a pub talk.
- What it is easier to forget, - asks one, - beer or the woman?
Is depends on quality of beer, - the second answers.
95
The husband has gathered in a pub. The wife is angry:
- Again you will come late and drunk, I know you!
In o'clock in the morning the bell is distributed. The wife opens a door. There is a drunk husband.
- Hу that, накаркала?
96
Four Scots have decided to drink on a mug of beer. Hо when came to a pub, one has sighed and has gone further.
- Эй, Джонни, you unless do not want to go? - the friend has shouted.
- With pleasure, but at me is not present with itself a penny.
- What trifles! Have gone with us, anybody of you does not force to drink beer.
97
Two neigbours talk.
- I am surprised, - one speaks, - your husband every evening sticked out in a pub, and now daily in six evenings it(he) already at home.
How it was possible to you?
- Very simply. When it(he) came late at night from a pub, I earlier, not opening a door, began to ask: " Петя, it you? "
- And it is more than anything?
- Hет. Hо the matter is that my husband call Stepan.
98
The muzhik on coast of the river lays, sunbathes. Suddenly hears a voice:
- Some beer cold you want?
- I want!
Sees - before it(him) there is a beer and the same voice asks:
- And to have a snack it is necessary?
- Hадо! And you who, gold рыбка?
- Hет, I a delirium tremens.
99
After a fair wine party in a pub, in the morning the muzhik gathers for work. Friends call it(him) in a pub опохмелиться.
- Hет, I can not, guys. For work it is necessary to me.
In one hour it(he) comes back in a pub.
- You of that have returned? - friends ask.
- The watchman has not let. Has told, that in a photo in the miss(passing) not I.
100
The man is interested at the seller of a beer stall:
- How many beer you deliver in day?
- Hundred litres.
- And all sell for day?
- Hет, we sell 70, and 50 it is left for the morning.
101
Two girlfriends talk.
- You know, my husband has strongly grown old, - one speaks.
- Why you so think?
- When yesterday we with it(him) came into a pub, it(he) all over again has looked in the menu what submit beer,
and then already at legs(foots) of the waitress.
102
The barmaid in a pub speaks the constant habitue:
- If you were my husband, I would pour to you in beer to poison.
- If I was your husband would drink it(him) not reflecting.
103
Two in a pub talk.
- I look, you to beer have ordered oysters. You very much risk.
- Why?
- I somehow here have eaten a pair of portions, and then week laid in hospital.
- What, appeared stale? And you have not noticed, when them opened?
- How, them also to open it is necessary?
104
The woman is interested at the girlfriend:
- Where your husband now works?
- Hа a beer factory.
- And there it is pleasant to it(him)?
- Hе I know. Since it(he) there was arranged, the house did not appear yet.
105
The old old salt tells to friends in pub, that such sea.
- About, the sea!... Hу how you evidently to explain? You are floating, you are floating, you are floating...
Endlessly one water - and any even mean пивнушки!
106
The bus driver declares stops:
- A stop "Pub". The following stop - the end of turn in a pub.
107
Тишка passes by a pub and sees, how it(him) дружок Сема takes off from doors of this respectable institution.
The instant, and it(he) is stretched(dragged out) on a roadway. Helping it(him) to rise, Тишка asks:
- You have thrown out?
- That chicken-feed! I just was going to leave.
108
At restaurant:
- What will drink, gentlemen - wine, vodka, cognac?
- And beer too!
109
- To you beer? - the waiter of the constant visitor asks.
- No, I on a bicycle, bring mineral water.
In some minutes the waiter brings beer and speaks:
- You can already drink some beer, someone has stolen your bicycle.
Украинская Баннерная Сеть