About the poor hussar say a word...
/ Instead of an epigraph/


1. In a computer have put in pawn set of every possible jokes,
that that has given out average. The result began so:
" three Jews Lay in bed: Рейган, Cheburashka and the Lieutenant
Rzhevskiy... ".

2. Evening, the Lieutenant Rzhevskiy leaves on a balcony and speaks:
What moon, what stars....
Your mother, your mother, your mother...-On a habit the echo responds.

3. Natasha Rostova dances on балу with the Lieutenant Rzhevskiy.
-Ой, it is feel unwell with me, I shall go to a window, - speaks Natasha,
-Hу go break but that not for a long time, the Lieutenant Rzhev answers.

4. The lieutenant Rzhevskiy goes with Natasha Rostova on coast of a pond.
As though I wanted to become рыбкой in this pond, - speaks Natasha.
It is better, if you would rise рачком, - answers Lieutenant Rzhevskiy.

5. The lieutenant how you concern to homosexuals?
-Yes I, I concern...

6. From a diary hussar a shelf.
Day the first. Have arrived to village, were billeted. Fuck all
women also have drunk all champagne.
Day of the second. Fuck all large - horned livestock also have drunk all
moonshine.
Day the third. Everything have drunk, that burns and fack everything, that goes.
Day the fourth - has arrived the Lieutenant Rzhevskiy! Hу, here such debauch
began!!!

7. The lieutenant how you find my breast?
-С work - with, madam.

8. Yesterday I have rescued the woman from rape...
-Оh, interestingly, the Lieutenant, cказать !
-З-б, I have simply persuaded her(it).

9. The lieutenant, how many at you children?
Yes... Pieces six or five.
You love children, the Lieutenant?
-No, but process...

10. The lieutenant, Natasha has died of a cancer!
Yes, it was its(her) favourite pose!

11. Hаташа Rostov dances on балу with the Lieutenant Rzhevskiy.
The lieutenant presses her(it) to a wall.
-Оh, the Lieutenant, you want me распять?
Yes is not present, time six.
What do you mean?
That I have, I shall enter.

12. Natasha Rostova nineteen. Into a dark room enters
именинница with a pie on which burn only eighteen candles.
Hussars, - she(it) addresses to present, - on a pie was not found
places for one свечка where me her(it) to put?
Sirs, words about pussi! - the voice of the Lieutenant Rzhevskiy is distributed.

13. The lieutenant, yesterday you slept with me, and today at all
do not want to greet!
Madam, a bed yet an occasion for acquaintance.

14. Hаташа Rostov dances on бал with the Lieutenant Rzhevskiy.
The lieutenant, you liked when нибудь?
-I fuckin.
Natasha faints. The lieutenant picks up her(it) hurriedly and успока-
ивает:
-Sorry-I, madam - with, fuck-I talk nonsense - with...

15. The lieutenant, speak, what you were in a youth a member of court?
Ah, a youth... The Member there, the Member here...

16. The lieutenant, you fuck me two hours, but have not told
one word of love...
Ah, forgive I love you, a cornet.

17. The Lieutenant Rzhevskiy, your rank associates, as
"LIEUTENANT - ЛАЗУЧИК", you французcкий the spy...
-Оh, "КАРHЕТ-КЛАРHЕТ-ТРАМБОH-ГОHДОH", you it is simple
мудак, monsieur Obolensky.

17. What do you do(make) at me on a back, the Lieutenant?
I search for breasts, madam.
Yes they in front...
There I already searched, madam.


18. The Lieutenant Rzhevskiy has arrived to Pierre Bezuhovu to an estate, but
that did not appear at home. " In a grand piano that - whether насрать? ", - has thought
The lieutenant, and has aloud added:
-No, province - with, not understand - with...

19. The Lieutenant Rzhevskiy, you in city of only three days, but already you
all our women are tried. How it was possible to you?
-Я simply I approach(suit) to lady and I speak: " Madam, let you fuck ".
-No in fact it is possible to receive on muzzles...
-Hу, all over again on muzzles, and then fuck.

20. The young Lieutenant Rzhev plays theatre. His(its) the first role
consist in that the Lieutenant should leave on a stage, make
" Balabuev, your cane " and to give her(it). Hussars have argued
with the Lieutenant, that it(he) will be mistaken and instead of surname Balabuev for excitement
will tell Balahuev. Also goes performance and Rzhev steps onstage.
-Balabuev, the Lieutenant speaks and victoriously looks in an orchestra, - yours
х№й...

21. The lieutenant Rzhev lays in постеле with Natasha Rostova.
You, Natasha, it is direct as the heating battery, - the compliment pays
The lieutenant Rzhev.
What, such warm?
Yes is not present, such ridge...

22. The lieutenant Rzhev is floating in a boat with Natasha Rostova.
During awkward silence the Lieutenant asks:
-Natasha, to you sometime веслом on pussi beat?
The lieutenant, yes as you dare...
Yes I so, simply wanted to support conversation...

23. The lieutenant Rzhev gathers on бал. Денщик the Lieutenant sees,
as that greases with cologne the end.
Yours Бродь, what for you do(make) it?
Yes so, just in case.
After a while the Lieutenant starts to grease with cologne
задницу.
-А it what for, yours Бродь?
Yes cases they different are...

24. The lieutenant, - asks on балу Natasha Rostova,
Whether the hussar can jump on a horse on full of her(it) скаку?
Yes it to us, hussars, нехуй ссать, - Natasha Rostov from such words
faints,
- оh, sorry, madam, нехуй to do(make), I wanted to tell.

25. The lieutenant Rzhev comes on a visit to Natasha Rostova.
-Natasha, I have just thought up a new pose - I have named her(it)
pose of a beaver, let's go on a ladder.
The lieutenant and Natasha leave on a ladder and Rzhev puts her(it) on
карачки.
The lieutenant, yes this ordinarily a cancer...
-No, Natasha, you thus should грызть a handrail!

26. The lieutenant, you liked sometime?
-I fuckin.
-Фу, the Lieutenant, I speak about human to love...
-Was-I and with people - with.
-Ой, the Lieutenant, I speak about pure(clean) лю...
It happened, as in bath-I.
Yes is not present, well I have high love in a kind...
-Cancer-I on belltower-I? Original - with!!!

27.-Natasha, you are already married with the Lieutenant Rzhev two years,
and at you all is not present children...
-Оh, mum that I even time could swallow this muck...

28. - the Lieutenant, and tell(affect): about what more often eggs are beaten?
- About a saddle.
- Oh, yes is not present - about the FRYING PAN!
- A frying pan? On eggs? Funny - with!

29. The lieutenant has left on a court yard and all has come back wet.
The lieutenant, what, in the street a strong rain?
Yes is not present, a strong head wind...

30. Pierre Bezuhov has woken up in the morning, поковырялся in a teeth and
has found crimson косточка. Columns has called the
the butler, that that would find out whence she(it)
here has undertaken. In one hour the answer has been received. Appeared, that in the past
evening Pierre kissed with Natasha Rostova, which up to
it took “suc” from the Lieutenant Rzhev, which before fuck
the денщика that that has eaten it is a little crimson jam.

31. Sirs, recently I have left on a balcony and all ladies have fainted.
The lieutenant, and in what you have been dressed?
-Я was in a gentleman's suit: the cylinder, the butterfly, a rimless eye-glasses and
condom...

32. The lieutenant Rzhev dances on балу with Natasha Rostova.
-Фу, the Lieutenant as from you smells - go remove(take off) socks!!!
In one minute the Lieutenant comes back to Hаташе.
The lieutenant, from you all the same smell, you have removed(have taken off) socks?
-А as, - the Lieutenant Rzhev has told and has pulled out them because of a bosom.

33. Natasha Rostova dances on балу with Pierre Bezuhovym.
Columns, at you the speck on a cuff, - rebukes Natasha.
Pierre leaves in other room and, not having sustained a shame, is hung up.
And Natasha already dances with Andrey Bolkonskim.
Prince, at you a speck on сюртуке, - rebukes Natasha.
Andrey leaves in other room and, not having sustained a shame, is shot.
And turn of the Lieutenant Rzhev.
The lieutenant, yes at you boots dirty...
-Hе worry, madam, it not a dirty, and shit - with. Now will dry up
and itself will fall off...

34. The lieutenant Rzhev расказывает to hussars the dream.
I go on a wood and I see...
Ass!!! - hussars, perfectly knowing style of the Lieutenant shout.
Yes is not present, I see the small house, I and so approach(suit) to this house
also I see...
Ass!!! - hussars shout.
Yes is not present, a door, I enter means into this door and I see...
Ass!!! - hussars shout.
Yes, - the Lieutenant Rzhev, - and that, I to you this dream already has become puzzled
told?

35. The young Lieutenant Rzhev has read in the book about rules
good form how to talk to ladies. There have been given provisional
themes of conversation: about animals, about weather, about music, about love.
The lieutenant was not slow to take advantage of advice(councils) and has decided to get acquainted
with lady who walked with a lap dog.
What at you fine собачка, - has told the Lieutenant and, подойдя is closer,
has kicked with its(her) boot, - something has low departed, by a rain to see a lot. However
i the Lieutenant Rzhev, at my place am a drum, let's go по%бемся...

36. The lieutenant, and you would like to become a swan and to float
in this pond?
Still, hunting to me to wet an ass...


37. Pierre Bezuhov wakes up after бала.
Oh and нажрались you yesterday, the barin, moreover and обосрались...
Yes it not I, it to me the Lieutenant Rzhev...


38. In the morning the Lieutenant Rzhev leaves(abandons) Natasha to Rostov.
The lieutenant, and money?
-Hу that you, madam, hussars of money do not take!


39. Ah you промудохуеблядская пиздопроебина, - have told
The lieutenant Rzhev also has dirtly sworn.


40. The lieutenant Rzhev goes across Moscow on the carrier.
-Ой, look - an ass, - the Lieutenant carrier shouts.
Yes not the ass it, and young lady, - answers carrier
-Ой, look - an ass, - the Lieutenant carrier again shouts.
Yes not the ass it, and the policeman, - answers carrier.
-о-да, - the Lieutenant, - all the same Moscow after a while speaks
already two versts have passed boring small town, and any ass
and have not met...


41. The lieutenant at theatre plays Podkolesina. As always it(he) has overlooked
role, and the prompter prompts it(him).
To marry that - whether, - the prompter whispers.
-MARRIED THAT - WHETHER, - repeats Rzhev.
Yes money is not present, - the prompter whispers.
Yes MONEY NO, - the Lieutenant repeats.
Slow you rise, - the prompter prompts.
-HО SOMETHING SLOW RISES..., - speaks Rzhev.


42. The lieutenant Rzhev dances on балу with Natasha Rostova.
The lieutenant, let's play in half-words, - speaks Natasha.
-А it as?
If I to you shall tell, for example, " the Lieutenant, kiss me in Р.. ",
You should guess and kiss me in a hand.
-А, to me it is clear, Natasha.
Then your turn.
-Natasha, take me for х%й to two Р..

43. Family Rostovyh sells furniture. Business reaches room Natasha.
Madam, how many costs(stands) this bed?
She(It) is not sold, it is memory of my intimate relations
with the Lieutenant Rzhev.
Madam, and how many costs(stands) this grand piano?
It(He) is not sold, it is memory of my intimate relations
with the Lieutenant Rzhev.
Madam, and how many costs(stands) this case?
It(He) is not sold, it is memory of my intimate relations
with the Lieutenant Rzhev.
Let, but here there is only one luster...
You are mistaken, the Lieutenant Rzhev was big the inventor...

44. The lieutenant, I heard, that you marry countess
Ligovskoy, but you know, that with it(her) all Tambov sleeps...
-Фи, Tambov, was I there, thousand twenty muzhiks, it is no more.


45. The lieutenant, it at you glass or disgraces?, - asks Natasha,
specifying a ring of the Lieutenant.
First glass, and then disgraces, - not having understood a question, answers
Rzhev.

46.-Natasha, you again today without shorts?
How you have learned(have found out), the Lieutenant?
On furfur on slippers...

47. The lieutenant, you play on a guitar?
I play.
-А on a grand piano?
Certainly I play.
-А on a drum?
-И on a drum too.
-А on арфе, the Lieutenant?
-No, on арфа there is no card(map) through strings проскальзывают...

48. Sirs hussars have thought up new type of a pool. At bills
ардного a table billiard pockets are cleaned(removed) and instead of them put naked women.
If the hussar has sent a sphere directly between legs(foots) it(he) receives
to kiss to it(her) the handle. About it the Lieutenant Rzhev has learned(has found out).
Listen(Obey), instead of it is better than them simply fuck?
-Hу as the Lieutenant Rzhev will come so eternally all will vulgarize...

49. The lieutenant, you promised to marry me...
-Hу, whether I was not enough that HА WHOM promised!!!

50. The lieutenant Rzhev plays Chatsky.
Here I any more ездун... Hе ездюк... Hе ездец...
Тьфу, бл%дь, has overlooked!!!


51. The lieutenant asks at Natasha Rostova on балу:
-Hatasha, why at you on a glove вырез?
That men could kiss to me a hand...
-А, - the lieutenant has told, - now to me is clear for what
cut(Section) at me on an overcoat.


52. The lieutenant Rzhev in a train goes, lays on the top shelf.
You hear below lady speaks:
The darling, remember, never put eggs on silver,
it from it grows dull.
Century live a century learn(teach,study) the lieutenant Rzhev has thought and has shifted the
cigarette case from a pocket of trousers in a jacket.


53. The lieutenant have asked to play Otello. It(he) refuses,
but to it(him) distances шпаргалку on which to speak a role. This piece of paper
has adapted on the internal party(side) of a jacket and has gone on a stage.
-Dezdemona! Зараза, knag, the swine! - looks at a piece of paper,-
You are silent, a pause, ха-Хб three times.

54.-О than you think, the Lieutenant?
-О the same, about what and you, Natasha.
-Фу, the Lieutenant, well and the vulgar person you!

55. The lieutenant why ladies do not take offence at your platitudes?
-А at me the word never misses business.

56. Natasha Rostova thinks to the lieutenant of a riddle:
- The lieutenant, guess: what is - small, greyish,
in sexual щелку - вжик!!!
The lieutenant мнется:
- Natasha, but this is indecent, хм...
- The lieutenant, yes that you, this a mousy!
The lieutenant is surprised removes a rimless eye-glasses:
- The mouse??? In pussi??? Originally!

57. Three ladies argue that is more sick: to give birth, do(make) abortion
or to lose девичей honour.
-Эх, and to you sometime on eggs a frying pan beat?-
the Lieutenant Rzhev interferes with conversation.